Randomness

It’s been a while since I popped on here… it’s a very busy time of year.  B just turned 9 (how is that possible?!?!), baseball started (yes, seriously), we took a vacation to Mexico AND I started a new job!  It’s an always changing life, and we are all adjusting to these new changes.

Anyone who has gone through a traumatic life experience knows that grief is a long journey that doesn’t have a finish line.  Sometimes we don’t know what turns are around the corner.  Some days we see the grief ahead (holidays, anniversaries, etc), but even then we aren’t fully prepared for how we will feel.  By far, this is the most difficult part of this whole “grief thing.”  Never knowing how, where or when the grief will pop up.  Often times during unpredictable moments… like when you are at your daughter’s school basketball game and she scores a basket and you burst into tears because Mark isn’t here to see it, and you just KNOW that he would have loved to be.  Or when you’re working on the computer and your son comes down crying because “everybody at school has a dad, why don’t I?”  Those things you don’t see coming can knock you down, put you right back into grief, when you thought maybe you were doing okay.

But the thing is, you still ARE doing okay.  Because these moments are going to keep coming.  They will keep knocking you down when you don’t expect it.  But guess what?  I’ve decided I will keep getting up.  I will keep waking up each day and taking steps towards a future that I think can be beautiful and amazing.  I will keep hoping that I might have a chance for another someone special because I deserve to be happy again.  I will keep being both a mom and a dad for my kiddos because it’s the best I can do right now.  No, maybe we don’t have a daddy in our house, but we have a wonderful family.  And I love us.

Advertisements